5, 4, 3, 1, Off-Blast : The A+ Twin Engine Case

“5, 4, 3, 1… OFF-BLAST!” Zlad! said it best. I can just picture someone turning on this twin-turbo computing-behemoth and having it lift off into outer space. AplusCase Case Systems (A+Case) has developed by far the most sophisticated and incredibly leet tower set-up on the market.

Some specs:

This Twin Engine model comes fresh off of the lot with 4 stock fans! Not only are you getting a computer that runs sub-zero [Flawless Victory], it can be used to store all of your frozen gaming delights (i.e. Hot Pockets). But, if you find yourself thinking… hey, you know what, I think I need more fans… then BAM! Now all of your many terabytes of porn can be cooled by an additional 2 fans (for a grand total of 6… we’re not kidding). Anyway, it rocks a special brand-new cooling system accompanied by two illuminated blue 250 mm fans. Gotta have them neons! Mechanics hook up their cars with neons… well so can nerds. You like your NOS cold, we like our hard drives even colder (Your as Cold as Ice!) Now the third and forth fans are both adjustable 25 cm fans, one located in the inside left door and the other located in the front to guide the air flow inside the case.

So, lets talk storage capacity. This beast can hold 13 disk drives (13!). That means you could feasibly direct-burn 12 DVD’s at the same time, or, store approximately 13 terabytes of your most beloved cinematic tales of barnyard-animal-on-human promiscuity. It has five 5.25″ bays and eight 3.5″ bays, where one is external and the other 7 are hidden. We’ll call the hidden bays ‘weed bays’. PCI slots? No problem. If you’re the type of dude (or, dare we say, chick?) that’s actually in the market for this thing, you’re obviously going to have slapped in seven NVIDIA 9000 series video cards before the Geek Squad at Best Buy has a chance to sniff your superbly-seasoned gaming musk.

And now, without further ado, straight outta Deutchland – the land that has blessed us with the A+Case, as well as the vast majority of skin-flicks that feature four-legged creatures and/or poopie/peepee, I give you… Zlad!

“Hey love crusader
I want to be your space invader
For you I will descend the deepest moon crater
I is more stronger than Darth Vapour
Obey me I is your new dictator
For you is Venus, I am Mars
With you I is more richer than all the Tzar’s
Make a wishes on a shooting stars
Then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars!”

- Zladko Vladcik aka Santo Cilauro

NostalgiaTube: The Misfits

My favorite thing about this video (aside from the obvious fact that it is footage of the rarely-captured, original, Glenn Danzig-era Misfits) is the thought that all of the kids in the crowd are about 40 years old now. Today, many of them are soccer moms and soccer dads, who begrudgingly wear business-casual attire 40+ hours a week, and sit in the cubicle next to us (at their (and our) soul-crushing jobs), as they bitch about the broken coffee maker in the break room, and partake in (decidedly much tamer pursuits as) the annual office March Madness pool. However, what they can never lose (thanks to the age of the internet) is this time capsule, that showcases them in their youth (and in all their crowd-surfing, head-walking, Danzig-tackling glory), watching wide-eyed, and experiencing first-hand, the ushering-in (albeit kicking and screaming) of a new musical era… the phoenix-like birth of punk rock.

Well, maybe some don’t need the miracle of free internet video to remind them. That is, the ones who now so deftly conceal their ever-fading Misfit skull tattoos (that they may or may not have received at 4:30 a.m., in the midst of a hard night of drinking, at a sketchy tattoo shop (aka an acquaintance of an acquaintance’s bathroom) in the Bowery… but they’ll be damned if they can remember) under their Nordstrom’s issue, starched-and-pressed uniform.

So… the next time you ask the mellow (but perceivably unfulfilled by the utter lifelessness of his matrimonial schedule), middle-aged guy that sits two desks down from you to borrow his staple-remover, be sure to check and see if, when he hands you the handy tool, he makes sure that the cuff of his shirt doesn’t hike up too far (for fear of losing his job and his modest house). If you do detect a hint of this rehearsed apprehension, simply smile, and take comfort in the fact that everyone was young at one time. Therefore, the next time you’re thinking of springing questions about anilingus on your grandmother, don’t hesitate, as she’ll probably be happy to inform you that she invented the act. Or, if you’re especially lucky, she’ll regale you with tales of when she gave Sandy Koufax a handjob, or when she was double-teamed by William Howard Taft and Harry Houdini.

Wow… that one took a left turn at the end. Haha…

Enjoy!